The Art of Keeping Faith Read online

  After our chocolate breakfast in bed we shuffled through to the lounge with the duvet where Ben lit the fire.

  This was rather amusing as we have never used the fireplace before. So Ben decided that he had better use the fire poker to make sure the chimney was clear. A big cloud of soot came gushing down landing full on his face. It looked like he was covered in shoe polish apart from his bright blue eyes shining out.

  He had to shower again obviously so it was no big deal I just got in there with him.

  Clean again, we finally lit the fire and are sitting on the floor wrapped in the duvet drinking our second bottle of champagne.

  We were naked for the first.

  The clothes have only come about after a deep discussion about whether it is bad form to be naked all Christmas Day. We went for clothes in the end, but decided that it will be a new family rule that we can only wear pyjama’s or sweat pants on Christmas.

  “A new Chambers family tradition,” Ben says clinking his glass against mine.

  I am going to remind him that I’m not a Chambers, when I notice his eyes are fixed on my missing ring.

  Crap.

  “Lilah, where is my Nan’s ring?”

  Why does my capacity for quick thinking always abandon me when in a sticky situation?

  Hold on. I don’t have a capacity for quick thinking.

  “I was worried I was going to lose it,” I offer, albeit it a little half-heartedly.

  “Lilah?”

  “What?”

  “Go and get it right now.”

  So I do, shuffling back into the lounge like a naughty school girl about to be told off.

  Which I am.

  “Lilah, did you take my ring off because you were angry?”

  “No.”

  “Tell the truth.”

  “Maybe.” I scrunch my face.

  “Did I take yours off?”

  “Well I don’t know.”

  Why, oh, why do I have to act like a child?

  “No, of course I didn’t. They are actually supposed to mean something. You must never ever take it off, do you understand?”

  “Yeah, I guess.”

  “Lilah, it means more to me than you will ever know that we have something between us; something that binds us to each other. Every time I get fed up, or I miss you so bad it hurts, it’s just there all the time, binding me to you.”

  Oh.

  “Sorry.” Cue more face scrunching.

  He takes the ring out of my hand and goes to put it back on, his hand hesitating for a moment. I glance up and catch him biting his lip.

  A heartbeat passes and I realise I am holding my breath.

  Before anything is said, especially something stupid by me, he carries on placing the ring on my right hand where it has always been.

  “More champagne?” he asks, kissing the tip of my nose.

  “Yeah, but we had better take it easy I don’t want to be half cut for dinner.”

  He just gives a snort and heads into the kitchen to get us another bottle.

  3.00 p.m.

  Christmas dinner cooked by a hottie = Scrumptious.

  Meredith and Tristan call, gushing about their holiday—bloody wankers.

  “Do you forgive us for leaving you now?” Meredith shouts down the phone.

  “I am still thinking about it.”

  “Are you happy, Lilah?”

  I smile like a lunatic.

  “Yeah, I am happy.”

  Ben looks at me, blues piercing and we stand watching each other; I am not listening to a word Meredith is gabbing on about.

  The tension mounts as we stand and stare neither of us moving an inch.

  My words to Meredith reverberate around my brain.

  Happy. Happy. Happy.

  Happy is what Ben makes me. Pretending anything else would be a complete waste of time.

  Just as he starts to cross the lounge toward me, his intent clear, I tune back into Meredith who is shouting for my attention.

  “Sorry, Mer, I’ve gotta go.”

  “Why?”

  “Just got to. Bye.”

  “Gross,” I hear her say on the other end of the line, but my attention has already passed. It is with Ben, right in the here and now, feeling as his fingers tease along my jaw line and slide around my neck knotting in my hair.

  His lips come down on mine and I crush myself to him as he lifts me and I wrap my legs around his waist. An urgency I am unused to fuels his motions as he lifts my camisole top up over my head. Threading my fingers in his hair I lean myself into him as he steps us against the lounge wall, both of us feeling the intensity of the moment. Something more than last night, something more than just sex.

  Something that devours us both, inside and out.

  I can’t control myself; I just want more and more of him. I need all of him.

  Ben tries to slow the pace down as I pull his clothes away from his long, lean body, but I don’t let him deter me.

  “Lilah,” he smiles against my lips as his hands smooth over my ribs and onto my hips firmly anchoring me to him. “We don’t need to rush.”

  He’s right, we don’t. But I can’t put out the fire that is eating me alive on the inside. I just want him right now, it feels like I may be consumed in flames if I don’t.

  I push him down onto the floor and climb myself onto his lap fitting us together as I slide us home; the only way that feels like home. My lips furiously raining kisses down on his face as I move us together, losing myself in an intense rhythm that pushes me closer and closer to him.

  “Yeah, we do, Ben. Just this time, we do.”

  The blues glance up and read my face, which is burning hot. He gauges my emotions and then he changes his movements to match my own, his arms wind around me tight so that there is not a single spec of space between our bodies. The fire that burns my skin melts us together. My desire drives him as I pull on his hair so I can kiss up and along his neck until I finally reach his lips.

  As I start to slip under and allow a tidal wave of desire wash over me, I let my mind wander and our conversation without words begins. I have been waiting for it; the understanding, the love, the comfort and the compatibility that makes us who we are together.

  It washes over me as I cling to him, and I am sure that he can hear it, too.

  For a few moments we sit without speaking, as the din of silent words quiets down and I can feel clarity start to return. Our skin is just starting to cool when he leans away from me slightly and pushes my hair back from my face forcing me to make eye contact.

  “I love you, Lilah McCannon, and I don’t ever want to be without you again.”

  I stare at the blues and run my thumb along the arch of his eyebrow.

  “And I love you, Benjamin Chambers, I always will, no matter what happens.”

  It’s the truth, with him, without him I will always be in love with him, I know that. It is something that I will never escape from.

  He looks at me again, the blues boring into me.

  “You won’t ever have to be without me.”

  The atmosphere lightens with our words, and the heaviness of the last few minutes passes by like a cloud over the sun. He flashes me his killer smirk.

  “How about we blow Christmas off and go back to bed.”

  Hell yeah. Now that is my sort of Christmas.

  “What did you have in mind?”

  “Well if you can try not to attack me again I have some new ideas I would quite like to show you.”

  My little giggle turns into a shriek as in one clean movement he is up off the floor with me still wrapped around his waist and walking us toward the bedroom and what has got to be the best end of a Christmas day in the history of the universe.

  Ever.

  26th December

  “Lilah, wake up we have got to get going.”

  I have no idea what Ben is talking about so I am just going to ignore him.

  Five minutes later

  �
��Lilah, seriously wake up we need to get ready.”

  I sigh and roll over. “What on earth are you talking about? I thought we had no plans. I thought it was just going to be you and me for Christmas? It’s Boxing Day that still makes Christmas in my opinion.”

  I am pretty sure that we don’t have any plans, or maybe I just came up with that whilst in a sex-induced coma.

  “We didn’t have any plans yesterday, today we do.”

  I squint at him through one eye. “Benjamin, what do you mean we have plans?”

  He bites his lower lip for a moment, which nearly distracts me.

  “We are having a family day.”

  Before I can question further he jumps from the bed and dashes out of the room, a moment later I hear the bathroom door bang.

  I have a bad feeling. Very bad.

  Two minutes later

  I step into the steaming shower, hands on my hips.

  “Are you trying to look scary? Because to be honest you just look sexy,” he grins.

  One soapy hand snakes out and pulls me under the hot water.

  “I am not trying to look anything. I’m just wondering what a family day involves, and why you thought it was necessary to run away after telling me.”

  As he rubs some shampoo into my hair I can see this shower conversation taking a whole different direction. Focus.

  “We are having a family day.”

  Well that’s not too bad.

  Then I remember that I also have a family and he may not be talking about just his own.

  “Benjamin, what family?”

  “Ours,” he smirks.

  “Ours? What do you mean ours?”

  “You know, our families. I thought it would be nice, seeing as I don’t get to come home very often.”

  Now, what I think would be nice would be if we were to spend the day having sex, just like yesterday.

  He has me though, with that little blackmail about not coming home very often.

  “I should warn you that Mum and I are not actually talking.”

  “I know that’s why I arranged it.”

  “Beeeennn!”

  He chuckles pulling me in toward him and kissing me in his knee wobbling way.

  “That’s not going to distract me,” I say against his mouth.

  He pulls back to look at me.

  “Well. How about you get through today and I make sure you are well and truly rewarded this evening?” He smirks a little because he knows this is bribery I can’t resist.

  And honestly who would try?

  “It had better be worth it, Benjamin.”

  He flashes me his rock god smile. “Oh, I can assure you it will be.”

  And with that he steps out of the shower leaving me all hot and flustered in his absence.

  Cocky shit. I don’t think America agrees with him at all.

  Hold on, I can’t really say that. Those abs are still jaw droppingly drool worthy, so maybe America just agrees with him a little bit.

  12.05 p.m.

  Mum and I are sat staring at each other.

  It’s fair to say there is an uneasy tension in the room.

  “So, Dharling, did you and Benjamin have a nice day yesterday?”

  “Yes.”

  “So what did you get up to?”

  I don’t bother to respond I just raise one eyebrow.

  “Oh. How lovely,” she says.

  Then she turns her attention to Ben. “Ben, you look like you have been having a lot of fun. Well, at least that is what the papers say.”

  Ben shifts uncomfortably. “Well, it’s been a lot of hard work,” he tells her earnestly.

  “Really? It just looks like a lot of hanging around with naked girls to me. It can’t be that difficult.” She eyeballs him intently.

  “Yes, really.” Ben’s eyebrows crinkle into a frown and he straightens his shoulders a little.

  “So, anyway,” chimes in Beverley, Ben’s Mum. “Who fancies some bucks fizz? Come on Valerie, we have been in the same room as our children for fifteen minutes and neither of them have offered us a drink. I think we should help ourselves.”

  Mum, who is still staring at Ben with a burning intensity, turns her attention to Beverley.

  “You’re quite right.” She joins in with the fake Mum sing song tone that Bev has affected.

  When they leave the room Ben and I glance at each other. “What was that?” he hisses at me.

  “I have no idea, I thought it was me she was pissed at.”

  “Shit, I thought I had won her over with my Chambers charm but I am going to have to try harder.” And with that he is up out of his seat and walking into the kitchen with his easy grace and I can hear him taking over the drink pouring and drawing Mum into conversation.

  “You know she is just worried about you.”

  Oh, it’s my Dad. I had forgotten he was even here.

  “No, she is not. Mum has never been worried about me, ever.”

  “That’s not true at all. We both love you and are always worried about you. Your mum just doesn’t know how to show it.”

  This is rich coming from my dad, who ignored me for the best part of last year.

  “Do you?” I ask, like the sulky teenager I am.

  “Of course I do, Lilah.” He grins at me and I see a flash of his former glory days in his smile; the kind of smile that Ben has now.

  He gets up from his spot opposite me and then plonks down, practically in my lap.

  “I show you like this,” he says giving me the almightiest hug I think I have received from him since I was eight and he still used to hold my hand to cross the road.

  Wow.

  “Jesus, did you just hug me?”

  I can’t help it, I am a sarcastic bitch.

  “I sure did.” He winks.

  What, now he is winking at me? This is all too much. I need a cigarette and to get out of this crazy house.

  The path to the escape route in the kitchen is blocked by mother, so I just offer my dad a grimace come smile and head to the front door.

  Ben joins me three minutes later and offers me a flute of bubbly; clearly he figured I could do without the orange juice.

  “You okay?” he asks and takes a cigarette from the packet I have balanced on the snow-topped wall.

  “Yeah. I think so. My Dad just gave me a hug.”

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

  “What’s with your mum?”

  “I told you, she’s crackers. That’s why I have been ignoring her.”

  I’ve spent the time since Ben woke me up with the dreadful news we were having a family day trying to explain to him why it’s such a terrible idea.

  “She’s not a big fan of me, that’s for sure.” He shrugs.

  “Nah, she loves you. Just ignore her. She is probably just suffering from Gin withdrawals.”

  “Delilah!”

  “What? It’s true!”

  “Come on, let’s go in and face them and make this work.” Ben slides his hand into mine, his fingers slipping into the place they belong.

  “So next Christmas when you come home and surprise me, are you going to invite the family as well?”

  “Definitely not.”

  Ha. Told him so.

  “Lilah,” he continues. “If our situation is still the same by next Christmas, then I know I will have done something very wrong.”

  Stopping my walk back into the house I turn to face him. “What do you mean?”

  “Nothing for you to worry about now.” He smiles and leans in to kiss me. “Ready?” he asks, hand on the door open.

  “No, not at all,” I tell him. I push him against the wall and kiss him instead.